A New Phase

Life has been stagnant for long.

A new consciousness is  starting to dawn on me. The biggest worry/concern that I have right now is that I will leave all that I have right now and move on. It would be harsh on the others.

Come to think of it, I don't think so. I really don't think others care that much about me. That might seem like I am just venting. But deep down, I know. You have to swallow your pride sometimes and just accept things the way it is. You can't live in bubble dreams all the time. They will pop some time or the other.

Life's fairly comfortable of late. Nothing really bothers me. Except for minor things. I have what I need in my life. Space, books, decent food, music, a decent set of people (to while away time with - not to really get close to). I have no reason to not listen to me deep inside and push on.

If others care enough, they'll either wait on the other side keeping everything still in place or they'll come along for the ride. I expect no-one to do either.

Hardly been sleeping for 3 days now. And I have been working like a horse - 12-14 hour days throughout running around all over the place. I don't know how I'm getting all this energy and still stay up and ruminate.

Like I said, a new consciousness is dawning. I hope this one leads to slightly better outcomes.

Judging

“The only man I know who behaves sensibly is my tailor; he takes my measurements anew each time he sees me. The rest go on with their old measurements and expect me to fit them.”- George Bernard Shaw

People make judgments for a reason. It helps the brain do less work. That's the neurological reason for it. It's the reason why we create stereotypes in a society. It all boils down how our stupid little brains can't take too much of processing however brainy it is. 

However, for the person on the receiving end of this judgement, this explanation sometimes offers little consolation. 

Frankly, it hurts.

It is extremely hard for people to make any sort of real judgement because of the fundamental nature of human beings - we are irrational beings. That's why we love. It's irrational. Why would be do such stupid things which do not make sense when we are in love. You might think that it has mating purposes to it. But people still do fall in love and remain that way even after having babies, or even if they can't. You can fall in love without wanting to mate too.

Anyway, I lost track.

Judgement. Yes, judgement. It's really hard to make an accurate one. Even if you momentarily make a good one, it would be wrong to hang on to it because, people change, circumstances change, the world changes. So, it's fundamentally wrong to not have an open heart and an open mind to things. You are missing the point of life. 

And more importantly, you start to make decisions which are based on these wrong assumptions. And sometimes, when you do that, you can hurt others.

But some people are just a little too stuck up and blinkered in their vision that it doesn't even matter how much you try to convince them about this point. But that doesn't mean that I stop trying. Not if that person matters a lot.

Life is too short, you know.

Too short for this petty negativity.

Here it comes back.

Almost half a year since I've written anything down year.

Life has been different. Things have not moved around so quickly ever. I re-read all my previous posts a few days back and it was such a pleasure re-connecting back. The days were dark though. But now I realize that the darkness never really goes away. I shouldn't expect it to either.

Although this year hasn't been as dark as a few years back, it's been one of the worst. I do not know what it is doing to me. I just hope that all the little pieces of me come back together alright.

One positive is that this mask is working quite well. There is a freedom that it brings and it saves me sometimes. But things are not that bad. At least I breathe better now.

Back

Life is passing by.
People are going away
It's so stupid of me to cry
Cuz I know that the best ones will stay

Where is the proof you ask
Failure has deadened you
You always need to wear a mask
But no, I do not believe it's true

Life is filled with surprises. Even if you know that truth, it still hits you as if you didn't expect it. You never know what is going to happen next.

What matters most in the world then? Companionship(s) and loved ones who do not judge you is up there right at top. Enjoyable experiences come a close second and most of the second would be with the loved ones.

Foresight

All animals have hindsight. Its a rule of nature. In fact, genes are a confirmation of this. All information is stored in genes so that you can use it to good effect to keep you species moving on, even after the current generation.

But what makes humans different is.. foresight. Very few consciously realize this and even fewer try to understand it closely. We admire it more than anything else in our humanness.

In business, its the ability to guess where the industry is going that CEOs are judged upon. In sports, tactical astuteness or guessing what the tactics of the other team is doing is what wins you at the highest levels. In science, you do experiments to validate your foresight of a possible theory that brings you Nobel prizes. In politics, its your ability to read your opponents moves and act ahead of them that gets you votes. As a teacher, its your ability to foresee where your students will get stuck that makes you the best teacher.

The people who sees the pattern in all of these are the ones who read life the best. Foresight is what you need to understand. Everything else will follow.

Patterns

I have seen patterns all my life. The only thing that has changed is that I have realized the importance of noticing it everywhere and on a more regular basis. Patterns are the essence of life. Nature works in patterns. Its only because of the repulsive intrusion of the mankind that it is less obvious in the current world. Possibly, that is why less and less people recognize and give due importance.

The thing that I am still waiting for in myself is about how to use this knowledge of patterns to do things.

That.. will be fun.

Broken Wings

If horses had wings before and got clipped off somehow, how would we know, wondered Emily. Perhaps the sight of her broken toy made her have this ridiculous thought. "What happened to your toy, dear" asked her mother, suddenly coming in. "I made it look like what we see in the world" said the little girl. Emily had always been cared for well by her family and was always made to believe that the world is an ideal place. The broken wings opened her eyes for the first time ever.